i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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