She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
