just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
