Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
