she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
