I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
