I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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