i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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