whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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