you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
