he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
