Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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