dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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