I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
