Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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