all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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