If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
