Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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