is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Where is the hickey?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
