The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
