So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
