3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
