do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
