i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
