Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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