his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
two words: eviction party
it's like iHOP with fire
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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