I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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