When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
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I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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