hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
