I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
