Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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