If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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