yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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