did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
