he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
