no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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