I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
