he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
