Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
