What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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