If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
