I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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