our cab driver is having phone sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
