I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
