Where is the hickey?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
