dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was like eating out sand paper
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
