Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
