you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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