I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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