If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
