If that was your dad, he is hot
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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