just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
