The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
