my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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