I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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