I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
