New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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