Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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