Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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