I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize