I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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