girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
