That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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