Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
