thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
