Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm at about main and main street
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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