I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
