First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
