i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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