Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
