the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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