he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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