I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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