I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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