Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
