The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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