just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
