Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
