the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
